Sunday 31 st November

Happy Halloween!

What an awesome day yesterday. Gray took me to Sollihull by taxi as I haven't got the confidence to get on a long bus journey yet.

It was the first time I'd been there or anywhere much for about  weeks and I really enjoyed it.

We've been wanting to buy a couple of new sofas for quite a while. Me being vegetarian altough I like the look of leather sofas I could never sit on a cow! We actually found a shop that sold some faux suede sofas a while ago but they were huge and wouldn't have fitted in our lounge. Then yesterday we found one almost the right size and the most comfortable sofa I'd ever sat on. I want it.
We also went to Hobbycraft to buy things to keep me occupied during the week which include a rug making kit 9which turned out to have the grappling hook missing and knitting patterns and magazines. I was taught to knit by my Mum when I was about 6 and used to knit for hours. I have always worked with  my hands and I was getting itchy hands! I found a couple of patterns and decided to knit Gray one first. So I'm sending him shoppping with a list for wool and knitting needles! Can't wait to start1

Friday 29 th October 2010

What a lovely evening last night. 4 of my work mates came round Shobhna, Levi Leah and young Emma. They really cheered me up ant they brought some birthday presents and cards round.

Today my brother and sister in law Paul and Corrinna arriving this afternoon with our niece Rae and her boyfriend Robbbie. We are taking them for an Italian meal at their favourite Italian restaurant. They have said they like it so much they would consider travelling up from Leigh-On Sea to eat there! They usually stay with us but they didn't want to put on us with me not well so they are staying in a a hotel at the NEC instead. I'm really looking forward to seeing them.

Tere's a funny little story about Robbie!

Years ago we had a police dog trainer handler living next to us and the first dog he had was a lovely docile labrador and his name was Robbie. He had to give Robbie away to a neighbour unfortunately because he was so docile. He omitted to tell us h'd got anew dog and the shared fence was down. We go out to put washing on the line and practically got attacked by a new dog!
When Paul and Corrinna, Rae and Robbie came to see me in hospital I said "ooh Robbie the dog!" He hasn't lived that down yet! So that should be fun.

I've decided to carry on celebrating my birthday over the weekend as it was a bit of a damper on Wednesday having hospital appointments. Gray is hoping to take me in to Sollihull by taxi as a long bus journey my oncologist thought would be a bit iffy just yet

Anyway I have some steroids to take and it's still very early so I will try and get a bit of a nap before the visitors arrive.

YESTERDAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY!

What a great Birthday I had yesterday! The night before I said to Gray it just doesn't feel like it's my birthday tomorrow as We've gotta spend it at the hospital. But he made up for it with a beautiful birthday balloon he tied to the bottom of the bed and he showered me with presents first thing in the morning bless him. And a big gooey chocoltae birthdy cake!

The hospital appointment included a screaming head mri. The noise was horrrendous I thought it was going to gtake off at one point1 They offered me piped music so I aked what and they said Heart fm which is a local soft rock radio station. "not my type of music, have you got planet rock?!" "No they say and give me a pair of useless faom earplugs!  As it was my birhthday they gave us a couple of pieces of cakes. The staff were very pleasant.

Aterwards we saw the oncologist and for once we got in very quickly. He showed us the digital mri on the computer and basically we are non the wiser. He is going to refer me to a neuro surgeon at th QE. He says he really doesn't know whether I'll need surgery or not but he wants to get that sorted first. The thought of brain surgey scares me more that the cancer and that's a face. My friend Helen's Husband Bill had brain surgery a few years ago and they are coming round this afternoon so he can speak to me.

Ialso aksked him about parp inhibitors and he going to consider them for me for later but I will have to go th London or Manchester for it. I would prefer Manchester and we have some family up there. I also asked him if the bone mets could be treated and he said yes after we get you head sorted. That really please me as I didn't think they could.

Mycousin Pat and Gordon were going to pick us up from the hospital to take us for a birtday meal but as we got out early we went home first so we could get a few things done and the Pat and Gordon picked us up from home. Had a lovely meal but as usual I got tired afterwards so we didn't stay out too late..

Will probaly have a rest on the sofa a bit later today to prepare for our visitors.

misreable weather toda.

Last night was a big victory. Gray walked me to a local restaurant for a meal and back. I don't get out much so it was really enjoyable though I did feel tired afterwards. I tend to get tired easily these days.

My contact lenses  arrived in the post yesterday but only 2 weeks worth. Which means I wil have to phone them yet again for more when they're supposed to be posting them every month as I pay a lot of money on direct debit.

The postman also came this morning bearing cards and packages for my birthday tomorrow. And my birthday will be spent at the hosptal in an mri scanner and the oncologists waiting room. My cousin and Pat and her husband Gordon are picking us up afterwards to take us for a birtday meal and I'm really looking forward to that. We really get on well with Pat and Gordon.

So today a rest day. Thursday my friend Helen is coming round with her husband Bill who had some brain surgery a few years ago and wants to talk with me.

On Friday Grays brother  and his wife Paul and Corrina are coming to see us and we are taking them out for a meal. They usually stay with us but they are staying at a hotel at the NEC so as not to put on us while I'm not well. They didn't want to stress us up I guess. They breed canaries and had offered us a couple but we had second thoughts in case I had to have more surgery in case of risk of infection. But they would have been lovely company and they sing so beautifully.

I've been watching a programme on gene therapy. Now why couldn't they have done that for us BRCA ladies to save our lives.

Sunday 24th October 2010.

Lovely sunny morning to lift the spirits today.
We had a couple of visitors  who cheered us up this afternoon and Mo and Pete brought us round a lovely big pumpkin which would look proud on Halloween! a recipie for agorgeous pumpkin soup they had made for us a few weeks ago at their house with moussaka.


Gray goes back to work full time from tomorrow so it's 06.30 rise. He then makes me breakfast bless him so I can take my steroids and organises everything for the day for me. I  just couldn't quite manage without him totally but I don't do too bad.

I'm feeling a bit fed up as I've lost my mini reading light I use to get up in the dark night to go to the loo so I don't trip on anything I just hope we can replace it.

Anyway off to bed now. Night night all.

Bored stifff on my own agan..

Gray's gone shopping but he's back now thank goodness. Been so bored I've been watching QVC! And dozing on the sofa again.

I had my appointment come through for the MRI scan with a questioaire which included to cut a long story short had I got any metal in my mouth. Well yes I have on my bridge. So I have phoned a friend at work to ask my dentist about it. Thaen i will have to phone the hospital about it.

Had a lovley visit from 3 friends and a boss from work last night bearing gifts and cards for my birthday for next week. We had alittlw wine but the acid got to my stomach. It was wonderful to see my friends but I wsa very tired afterwards.

When Gray got home from shopping today he took me for a walk around the corner and back.

Wea re a bit pissed off this afternoon as we can't watch Tigers play on Sky sports anymore. They're trying to get us to pay extra to see it and we just can't afford it and of course we can't get to Lecester to watch for a while because of me. We were talking of going for a meal at our local Italian restaurant tonight but Gray thinks I'm too tired.

The boredom is getting to me!

A day on my own as Gray hsa gone back to work. I'm tryin to strengthen my thigh muscles up and hey're aching now!

Been watching Sky telly. absolutely nothing worth watching. I think I'll hit the videos!

My brother came round to keep me company yesterday which was nice. Today I have several friends coming round this afternon which will be nice. I tend to get tired easily so I may go for a nap this afternoon.

thae opticians sent me another latter yesterday saying I need to go in for an eye test for my glasses to get my contact lenses. I phoned them again after about 4 times previously and told them I couldn't get in and had run out of contacts and couldn't seee. She apologised and I said Gray would go in and pick them up on the way home. They ha said a week ago they had posted them but they hadn't turned up.

So they gave me 1 pair. Totally wrrong prescription. One too stron, one too weak. we'll have to see!!!
 They said they posted them 2nd class 1 Gray pointed out our 2nd class post takes 2 weeks. I'd rather have paid the fiirst class postage myself. I wouldn't mind so much but I pay direct debit for them and they're about double the cost of my old ones . I'll have afigh getting them in before my friends arrive and hop I dont't loose one as I have only 1 pair.

Anyway to the viseos!!!

My first dY AT HOME ON MY OWN.

Gray has had to go back to work today as he is not being paid while looking after me. That's what you get working with the NHS. and obviously I'm not being paid while off sick.

My brca brother is suppoesd to be on his way over but he's taking his time.

oncologists appointment today.

Long long wait at City hospital for can results from my oncolgist. Ct scan inconclusive unable to tell anything from it. Bone mets very scay but as I said I know of people with bone mets lived 10 years or more and he agreed on that. My wonderful breast care nurse arranged for occupational health to deilver a commodo.

Our friends Mo and Pete piclked it up in tyheir car afterwards and took us for a meal at The Lord Clifton which I was looking forward to today after the day we had. It kept me going.

Ct scan

Went to City hospital again today for a Ct scan. Was quite nervous about it as to what tyhey might fid. The staff were very nice and reassuring with a good sense of humour. I had to be injected with a die so anther great bruise on my poor right arm! They asked me if I bruised easily? " no" i said. " only when i have injections!" 2Was I on blood thinners? 2 no said I!

When we got home I was shatteredand slept until 19.30, waking up thinking it was the next day1 slept with my contact lenses in and my make up on. How disgusting! Friends from work phoned to see how I was and it seems wer're having a party Friday evening.Even one of my bosses is comimg round. He was even trying to get me back to work. 2no way I said and I spoke to my friend and manageress and she said nt to worry. I actually had an agency phone me the other week to do some work! A very definate NO!!

At City Hospital again tomorrow to see my wonderful oncologist for the scan results. Quite worrying but our friends Mo and Pete  are taking us out afterwards which gives us something to look forward to

I add I am staying hugely positive about all this still. I don't really believe it still I am a great believer in positive thinking. My Dad brought me up with that.

At the hospital they asked me if I had any allergies: plasters, pollen, dust mould spores " they run in the family "I said and some nasty things like  breast cancer and the brca 2 gene. They seemed quite interested.

Amanda the wonderful breast care nurse hasphoned this aftteernoon after ordering a commode for us from the ocupational therapist. for wednesday. Only trouble is we need our own transport so we will either have to take it bback by taxi or get a friend to pick it up but it will be a godsend .

STILL IN RECOVERY

Spoke to the breast care nurse for advice this morning and she will be seeing me on Wednesday when ai asee the oncologist.
I have a ct scan tomorrow which I'm a bit nervous about but they say it is done by computer so houl;dn't hurt.
Then Wednesdyay with my lovely oncologist and results of bone scan and ironically my annual mammogram. That was originally boked in fo Thursday but we phoned to say we didn't want to be at the hospital quite every day! So they kindly changed it.

I'm still not 100% sure of my balance but slowly gting a little mor now. I am still using a stick just in case forbalance and I need watching going up and down stairs. My husband has ben such a brilliant carer for me but he is going to have to go back to work on Thursday as we will be runnin out of money He is going in at 10000 and leaving at 1600. We have asked my brother to come and cover for us but not sure how reliable he is. Gray has just gone out shopping and he isn't here yet so I'm on my own. I just hope i don't need the loo. We think a commode downstairs with a very nice screen round would be very useful for when Gray goes back to work. We  will be talking to the bresat care nurse about this on Wednesday.

I've had some really lovely messages from all my BRCA Sisters and many friends. They've all been very concerned.
So bored n my own with the telly  on and wrting my blog. Ill have plenty of time for that now! i Spoke to an old friend I haven't seen for yeras yesterday and she is praying for me. And my Auntie Mary in Mancheser who has sent me a healing prayer card and is praying for me. I am very lucky to have such god friends and family even though they did give me this dam gene

My husband is my rock

How could I manage without my wonderful Gray. I just couldn't.

If I'd only got rid of these death boobs aver a year ago. Very frustrating.

Fucking Jackson BRCA 2 GENE IS TRYING TO KILL ME aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Been ill

Sorry haven't written for a while but I've been seriously ill in hospital.
My husband and I went down south to Dorset for a couple of  weeks holiday.
THe day before we'd gone out with our best mates Pete and Mo and I managed to slip in the toilets and couldn't get back up again. Mo helped me out. It was like my legs went like jelly. The three of them took me to A& E AT THE LOCAL Heartlands hospiital much as I hae that place as my Dad died there in 2007. They checked me over andthey pointedoutmy bruising and that was that.
When we got to Poole in Dorset we went for a snack meal. Baked spud andbeans and I instantly spewed it up. After a short nap in the hotel my hubby thought I llooked a bit more wierd than normal so he called an ambulance and they took me to Poole  where they saved my life. I'd had a brain haemmorhage. A ct scan was taken  and they put me on iv steroids to bring the swelling in my brain down. I couldn't talk so clearly, my balance was shot and so had some of my memory. They had practically written me off that night. Gray says  I was on a moniter and hespoke to me and it went right up. I was unconcious apparantly. They rekon THR BREAST CANCER HAS SPREDA TO MY BRAIN aaaaaaaaaarggghhhh!!!!!1111 I'm scared stiff now. I will be seeingmy oncol

Thya were gobsmacked I was still alaive the next morning and gradually they kept saying it was amazing the improvenent in my balance and walking and such.My wonderful cousin and cousin in law Pat and Gordon drove all the way down from Birmingham to Poole and drove us back to Birmingham. I had a lovely afternoon yesterday. My work friends came to visit bearing huge gifts Helen cooked some lovely shottrbread and  a wonderful lemon drizzle cake. They said they'd come ropund again this afternoon but no sign yet. And one of my bosses Shobhna may come too and perhaps another  couple of fiends.
I'm having serios problems with the steroids as they are ver acid on my stomach so I've been slugging gavison but I find vanilla ice cream is the most soothing and my appetite has gone right up. They say that's  the steroids too. I Cn't tzke the tablets they wanted to give me or that as they have gelatine in and I'm vegetarian.